Last Updated on February 18, 2023
So this blog post will be one of my most short-lived ever, tonight we’ll all hear the mammoth 60th anniversary episode of The Archers and we’ll know what this threatened something or other that will ‘shake Ambridge to the core’ (Twitter hash tag #sattc) will be. But in the meantime here’s a collection of the options as gleamed from the Twittersphere and the innards of my head:
Lower Loxley hall will burn down
Odds of 30-17
There hasn’t been an epic fire in Ambridge since Phil Archer ‘let’ his wife (Grace) burn to death. There has been a lot of chat in recent days about how cluttered and full of family things Lower Loxley is, and a big deal was made of Nigel restoring his mother’s old brooch. Maybe the hall will burn down because of the banner that Kenton insisted they put on the roof, Kenton is ‘due’ a slip up. Perhaps the brooch will be the only family heirloom that will survive the fire?
Kenton falls from roof of Lower Loxley and ends up in a wheelchair
Odds of 50-11
Because quite frankly how hasn’t Kenton already had a major accident? It would also up the quota of disabled characters in The Archers to, well, just one!
Jazza and Harry elope
Odds of 346-6
Bit of an outsider this one, but Harry’s sexuality is gloriously ambiguous (posters of men in lycra on his bedroom wall, really?) and surely nobody in the history in mankind has ever been as manly as Jazza without eventually coming out?
Jazza and Jolene elope
Odds of 250-1
Well it’s pretty unlikely I guess, especially because if Jazza and Jolene ran away together he would lose the one reason he could ever truly love Jolene, and that’s her ability to serve him beer.
The entire cast of The Archers change their names by deed-poll so they match those of their characters and all move into a village to start an Archers reality show along the lines of The Truman Show/ Big Brother/ The Running man/ Thunderdome.
Odds of 5933-2
Pretty unlikely, although I’m sure Channel Four are considering all options now that cash cow Big Brother is finally off the air.
Nigel Pargeter karks it
I’m not so sure about this one because there has been a fair amount of death in Ambridge fairly recently, but I do have to admit that taking all factors into consideration it’s looking a bit grim for poor old Nigel. Maybe the vile amount of bumping uglies that he and Lizzie have been subjecting us to recently could mean that he leaves something of a legacy when he pops off his mortal coil?
Harry reveals himself as the illegitimate son of Sid Perks
I’m giving this theory the tightest odds because if you think about it then it kinda makes sense, let’s look at this in bullet point format and see if it tallies:
- Harry made a bee-line for the pub when he first arrived
- Harry has no real reason to want to live in Ambridge so damn badly
- Harry has always been a bit mysterious, but always terribly keen to make sure The Bull (his inheritance) survives
- We’re all tediously aware that Jolene wants to quit the pub, so maybe Harry could take it over?
- Harry was horribly uncomfortable at the prospect of having to kiss Fallon during the panto – BECAUSE HE’S HER HALF SISTER!!! (Er, sort of, but whatever, it would be too icky for Ambridge!).
So there you have it, all will be revealed soon enough but in the meantime why not use the comments section on this page to wildly speculate, because that’s always fun!
UPDATE – 2nd January 2011, 7.30pm
So poor old Nigel fell of the roof then, and judging from the length of his screen Lower Loxley hall is at least fifteen stories high! But did he die? We’ve got to wait until tomorrow night to find out…
UPDATE – 3rd January 2011, 7.30pm
Bye bye Nigel. Gulp…