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Home » blog » 13 Handy Rules for Bass Players

13 Handy Rules for Bass Players

Published March 5, 2023 by lawsie Leave a Comment

Originally published in Beat Motel issue 3

13 rules for bass players
  1. Always head for ‘A’ when lost, since there’s bound to be one along in a minute.
  2. Boiling strings instead of buying new ones saves money for more important things, like cheeb.
  3. Don’t worry too much about being in tune, it’s not kicking over yr beer that’s the more important on-stage. concern.
  4. Play your bass below your hips, or you’ll look a c*nt.
  5. If no ‘A’ seems to be forthcoming, pretend to be doing something fiddly til you know where you are again.
  6. Tuning up is optional, if the guitarist complains tell him he must have set one of the billion dials on his amp wrong, that’ll keep him occupied for a while.
  7. When using the bass as a weapon, never strike out w/ the end where the tuning things are, it costs a shitload to get them fixed.
  8. The lowest string on five-string basses is below the range of human hearing, and unless your target audience is dogs or you want a high-volume bowel movement then avoid 5-string basses.
  9. Less treble = less audible = less time you have to spend actually learning the songs.
  10. Only play with your fingers if you want to look like you’re tickling a knat’s chuff.
  11. A bass isn’t played til the finger blood gets sprayed.
  12. Playing real fast makes you look smart in front of chicks, accuracy is optional.
  13. Get one of them bass flight cases with a fur lining, you’ll be glad of it in the back of the van, in airports, down at the hostel while those six-stringed show-offs get a night’s sleep like a rat in a foghorn factory.
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Last Updated on March 5, 2023

Filed Under: Musician Stuff Tagged With: bass players, beat motel

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